look no pants
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
