the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
