i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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