I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
