Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
