i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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