Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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