you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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