Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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