He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
