I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
