Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
