I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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