I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was like eating out sand paper
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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