it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
