I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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