Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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