Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
