I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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