sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
