fuck your aforementioned shoe
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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