when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
