Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
