**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
