While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
