Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
