so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
