i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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