Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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