maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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