Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
