I am puke
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I came so hard my ears popped.
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