Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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