I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
