What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
