Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
