All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
