even my farts smell like vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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