The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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