why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
