Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
