the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
