hotel room ftw
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
