sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
