The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
