unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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