What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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