So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
