I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
