I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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