I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
